Why Your Pastor is Actually Not Your Friend

Reluctant Xtian


dog collarI’m not wanting to be rude or put anyone off by this statement.  And this doesn’t come out of any recent personal issue or encounter.  And this is certainly not some sort of passive-aggressive way to get a point across to someone I’m reluctant to talk to in person.  That would just be bad behavior.

But this is a consistent point of confusion for many, and so I think it deserves a little blog article, and discussion if you wish.

*End Disclaimer*

Your pastor is not your friend.

It’s hard, because they feel like they are.

And this is not a hard and fast rule, by the way.  Some pastors do make a friend in the congregation, someone they can absolutely be themselves with.

But that needs to be rare.  It may not always be rare…and then things get fuzzy…but I believe it *needs* to be rare, for you…

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Corporations Need Pastors


Reluctant Xtian

manager-1 This is from the movie _Office Space_…please don’t sue me.

Corporations need pastors.

Not in some “personal spiritual advisor” sort of way that many people take it…as if God has to rubber stamp your thoughts and your work.  That kind of pastoring is largely just ego-stroking.

I’m talking about the real day-to-day work of a pastor that has more to do with picking up the broken pieces of existence, not reinforcing the powerful-but-fragile personalities at the top.

I’m talking about pastoring the real, vulnerable, crap-laden work of the corporate world.

I mean, let’s be honest, many HR professionals unofficially take on this role.

Or perhaps it’s the admin at the front desk who is both gatekeeper and secret-keeper for the people behind the door.

You know the situation: he’s the one everyone comes to with their frustration; she’s the one that everyone sees as both their confidant from the power…

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An ER visit (I’m OK!) — and lessons for women — Broadside

By Caitlin Kelly I awoke this morning at 4:40 a.m, feeling like my chest was being crushed. I sat up in bed, trying to focus on whether this was a heart attack, knowing that symptoms are very different for women than men, and because of that often overlooked or ignored. I had never had […] via … Continue reading An ER visit (I’m OK!) — and lessons for women — Broadside

Are You Wrestling With Trump Fatigue? — Mother Jones

Last week I returned from a big journalism conference, and it cemented a hunch I’ve been ruminating on for a little while now: A lot of the chatter in the hallways was about data suggesting that readers have started paying less attention to the quick-churn news cycle. Web traffic to news sites appears to have […] … Continue reading Are You Wrestling With Trump Fatigue? — Mother Jones

Bullock’s Raisin Bread triggers the same part of the brain as hard drugs, say scientists

Hooked on Bullock’s Raisin Bread? There’s science behind your addiction The news comes after it was revealed that the average Carroll Countian is estimated to eat around 35 pounds of Bullock’s Raisin Bread a year - suggesting that it really as addictive as research claims. Tuesday, February 13, 2018 by Professor Uncle Kevin Dayhoff If you … Continue reading Bullock’s Raisin Bread triggers the same part of the brain as hard drugs, say scientists

Carroll Community College Observes Black History Month

Westminster, Md., Feb 8, 2018 In support of diversity awareness among students, faculty and staff, and the community, Carroll Community College (Carroll) is observing Black History Month by offering events in recognition of the commemoration. According to Carroll Community College spokesperson Trish McCarthy Carroll, “Black History Month recognizes and celebrates the contributions and achievements of … Continue reading Carroll Community College Observes Black History Month

A freelance journalist’s week

I have been a freelancer since 2004, 2,000 stories later, I am still trudging along. It is a life my wife and agreed upon. Fortunately, she has a good job – and she knew she was marrying an artist and a writer… I do not have to eat at soup kitchens, but I keep a list at the ready. In the end, I would not have it any other way. I love my life. I love to write. Thanks for writing this story. The glass is always half-full and every sentence ends with a semi-colon at the ready.


By Caitlin Kelly

carr service01The New York Times newsroom

If you’ve never tried working freelance — i.e. no job, no salary, no paid sick or vacation days — it can look cool.


I’ve been doing it since 2006 (and for periods before then as well), and enjoy it.

It’s rarely dull.

Here’s some of what this week has been like:

I pitched a story to The New York Times, realizing, two weeks after returning from an overheated, often non air conditioned Europe, that it’s an uncomfortable, even dangerous, situation for travelers and hotel owners.

And one only likely to worsen with climate change.

I’ve been writing for the Times since 1990, and had previously written for that specific editor, so he quickly replied to my emailed pitch — but I had barely four days in which to find all my sources, interview them and write the story.

Thanks to…

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The futile search for “safe space”


By Caitlin Kelly


It’s a shriek of outrage/grievance/shock that happens when:


Someone says the wrong thing.

Someone touches you in a way that feels aggressive.

Someone disagrees with you.


Among  some younger and apparently ferociously ambitious women, I’m seeing a kind of mass fragility I — and my peers — find astonishing:

Every day, someone shrieks in fury that someone has been racist or sexist or mean to them — which they might well have, but not actually have intended as a personal attack.

Every day, someone says “You’re shaming me!” when all you’ve done is politely, if firmly, disagree with them or share an alternate view, which is now, for some, unforgivable.

Every day, though, I also hear pleas for advice, insights, mentoring.

Every day, the demand to march into HR and get them to fix it, right now.

Every day, the need to school others in…

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Amsterdam: Birthdays, Marijuana Museums and Dutch cycle rides — Jess’ Journal of Joy

Amsterdam is a classic weekend break and I feel like almost everyone I know has visited it before, some for the museums and the culture, others for more alternative reasons. Even my customers all seem to be going and they ask me where is a good place to stay and what is worth seeing and […] … Continue reading Amsterdam: Birthdays, Marijuana Museums and Dutch cycle rides — Jess’ Journal of Joy